If I Could Only Be Like My Twin Sister....
Now I know that may sound strange, especially if you know her, so let me explain.
When we were kids, we had very mean parents. They made us do something called "chores." What this meant was mom and dad made lists of all the things they hated to do, then they made us do them instead. That way they got the stuff done, but they could sit out under the shade tree sipping tall cold drinks while we children were doing, as they called them, the "chores."
Now one such "chore" was cleaning up (or redding up for yins pissburghers an' 'at) the basement. This is where my twin's incredible skill really came to light. We 3 kids would begin cleaning up the basement when, after just a few minutes into the "chore", Brenda would develop an emergency (as if there were any other kind) case of diarrhea. This unfortunate illness would last, interestingly, only as long as the corresponding unpleasant chore lasted. Then she had some inate ability to simply cure herself. Wow.
Now as I begin this long final weekend before the biggest loser weigh-out, I find myself pining for this amazing skill. If only I could develop this illness lasting only through the unpleasant chore of losing weight this weekend, then be healed on Monday after the weigh-out, it would be great.
Any hints Brenda? In the meantime, I think I'll go lick some e. coli...
7 comments:
FunnE Brett, but I have to admit that my first inclination was to say, "That's not right."
Chris, I find that is often my first inclination when reading Brett's posts, but I've just had to become accustomed to that! Brett, you could always make up a nice batch of brownies with ExLax mixed in. If it works, you could include that in your next MythBusters! Well, maybe not...
That is not right, to think that any sister would take full advantage of a brother to any end, is totally wrong. I feel for you Brett, I am an abused sibling as well, by the youngest golden child!
Move past and forward brother~!
Hey Brett,
My former case of CDiff worked wonders for immediate weight loss. 15 lbs immediately. But, on the other hand, I did move my office into the bathroom. Go visit a nursing home, that's how I got it.
Dearest Brother Brettski,
You blog leaves me speechless, as well as offended, which I'm thinking was partially your intention. And to think that I spared you the gory details of my recent LASIK surgery because I couldn't bear the thought of you hitting the floor in a dead faint when I explained how they slice a flap of your eye, then burn your cornea with a high-powered laser, then flip the flap back on and use a squeegy to squish the flap back in place. Our older sister thought I should tell you all that, but I, being the better twin (not the EVIL one!), thought better of it - until now.
Let it be said that I appreciate the comments to date of your fellow bloggers. As I said to Dad before I even read your latest post, "He's the biggest loser for more reasons than one" - and now we see why it is true! Good luck with that "emergency" diarrhea - only I know the secret and I am going online with your biggest competitor right now to divulge my secret to him!
"If only I could be like my twin brother... NOT!
P.S. I'm thinking of you and I hope you are offended!
Now Breeeen, settle down. I am simply recounting history as best as I can recall. To my recollection, this is EXACTLY how my childhood unfolded. As they say, the truth hurts. (But maybe not as much as that story about your eye surgery...)
Oh boy! I'm going to get some popcorn, but keep up the comments, you two; this will make for a great show. If this gets any juicier I can call in Jerry Springer.
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