Wednesday, May 28, 2008

New & Improved Bible!

In light of recent conversations with family and friends, and in light of some conversations between me and God, it is clear that we need to update the Bible. And the Lord spake unto me and said: "Brett, change thou my timeless words and maketh them unto this new generation a morsel more tasty, that it not maketh them to sweat, and that transformation into my likeness be no longer so required!" (PS: God always talketh unto me in the King James Version.)

Now I've not completely finished the editing yet but I thought I would share at least some of the highlights of the new Bible version, to be known as the NETDV (New Easier to Digest Version).

Genesis 1:1 - "Stuff happened. Mankind created God in order to explain stuff. We should be smarter than that by now."
Psalm 23 - "Oprah is my shepherd. She tells me what I need to know. She makes me feel good. At the end of the day, that's what really matters....that I feel good."
Matthew 28:18-20 - "Then Jesus came to them and said "it doesn't really matter what you believe, as long as you believe something. And if you go to other parts of the world, make sure it is strictly for business or pleasure. I mean, c'mon, you don't really want to share me with them and risk offending them, do you? Sheesh.""
Luke 9:23 - "If you want to go to heaven, just be nice. I think that pretty much the only people who go to hell are the really, really bad ones. Don't be so hard on yourself. Just make sure you are comfortable in this life, and again, try to do no harm. Surely being a Christian can't be all that hard."
John 14:1-6 - "Then Jesus said to them "hey, I'm outta here. Check ya later." Thomas said "where are you going?" Jesus said "you know...I'm just kinda there...I'm the karma within. Choose your path, they're pretty much all the same. Again, the important thing is to follow your heart, believe something, and please, don't be so darn headstrong and stubborn about things that really don't matter. You believe what you believe and I believe what I believe and that's good enough."
Romans 3:23 - "Everyone messes up...don't worry about it. Just try your best to not hurt anyone else."
Revelation 3:20 - "You feel that? That's your conscience. You pretty much know right from wrong. As long as you keep to yourself and you don't offend anyone else, it's OK."
This is just a tasty morsel. I've also decided to edit this online using this blog as the tool. If you'd like to suggest a translation, feel free!

Monday, May 26, 2008

Sound the Feasting Horn

Carla and I feasted today...bacon-wrapped filet mignon on the grill, grilled shrimp and veggie shishkabobs, and homemade black raspberry pie. I'm very glad that the feast was not ruuned.

Friday, May 23, 2008

American Idle

That's right, not American Idol, but American Idle. We are a very lazy lot, we are.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Why Go Anywhere Else?

I mean, look at these pix. I took these less than 30 miles from my home. PA is a bootyful state indeed!
Between a rock and a hard place...a self portrait
Hemlock sprouting from the rock...

A contrast in texture

The road less traveled...

Mayday in PA

Wednesday, May 21, 2008


I'm heading to McConnell's Mills State Park today for a day of prayer and seeking the Lord. Pray for me, and know I'll be praying for you!!!

Friday, May 16, 2008

God takes care of me!

So I need an old fashioned oil lamp for my Kids Talk this coming Sunday. I goes into Walmart and I'm wondering if they'll have such a thing. Lo and behold, I see this sign!

So I starts looking under the sign to find an oil lamp and lo and behold but here is what I sees:

ONE oil lamp!!! Just what I needed. Thanks Lord, for your signs, and giving me just what I need and just when I need it!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

I'm wiped out...

So I have this cold, right? I love getting sick because you are instantly bombarded with a zillion people who know "just the thing..." The other day, I'm having conversation with a woman I BARELY even know.

Woman: "So you have a cold?"

Innocent Victim (me): "Well, ya."

Woman: "I know just the thing. Vitamin C. Take 1,000 mg (which, parenthetically, why don't we just call it a gram? I mean, isn't a 1,000 milli somethings equal to one of the basic units of somethings? I mean, I don't know much but as a fellow student once told me, Brettric is Metric - parenthesis MINE!) of Vitamin C. Take 1,000 mg every hour."

Then, and I swear I am not making this up, she looks me straight in the eye and she says emphatically "the key is DIARRHEA!" OK, now she really has my interest. And she must have known it because she continued.

Woman: "As soon as you get diarrhea, you'll know you have reached your body's tolerance level for Vitamin C. Then just back off 1,000 mg and take that threshold amount and you'll get over your cold."

Me: "Thanks, I think."

Now I guess I have two options, both of which involve wiping. I think I'll just live with the cold for another day or so...

Friday, May 02, 2008

Aw, just shut up already.

In our house growing up, we weren't allowed to say "shut up." Mom, Dad, if you're reading this...I'M NOT IN "OUR" HOUSE!!! So I can say what I want. (PS: Please don't cut me out of the will....I am in the will, aren't I?)

Anywho, my rant today is about the ranting about gas prices. I'm tired of hearing it (and hearing myself say it). Carpool. Stay home. Get a Prius. Walk. Move.

This is a global other words, more that just ME is affected by this. I happened to live in a country where people have almost nothing. They can easily spend a week's wages on a bottle of kerosene with which to light a lamp. Make that two weeks now. And what choice do they have? Not so much...

So let's shut up. We have options. We have freedom. We have choice. And, truth be told, we have money.