Fit to be Tied

So Mom and Dad came to visit today and at some point Mom says something about how one size 9 shoe by one manufacturer isn't the same as another size 9 shoe of the same manufacturer and how frustrating that can be.  Which reminds me...

So now that Carla is the full time employee in the house and I'm just a part-time bum, I'm doing the lion's share of the housework.  Most of the time, I enjoy it, but let me just get something off my chest.

In this country (the country from which I'm writing is the USA so when I say this country, that's the one I'm talking about.  So many of my readers are from other countries...I don't want there to be any confusion.) we have som'n called the ASTM.  Now that's a bunch of letters meaning that somewhere in a cave or something there are "standards" for stuff.  Like there's a piece of metal or something one inch long.  Like for real.  So if you want to make a tape measure that measures an inch, you compare your inch to the "standard" inch to make sure that the inch you're selling is a real inch, or something.  (Note: this also works for tape measures that are longer than an inch...simply use the same inch and multiply it by the number of inches on your tape measure!)

So I'm thinking the other night as I'm making the bed after doing the laundry, why don't we have an ASTM fitted sheet?  Now just wait, imagine with me what it would be like if a fitted sheet would fit?!  Crazy, eh?  I mean like one fitted sheet doesn't fit one way and another fitted sheet doesn't fit another way and I'm throwing a fit and fit to be tied and all that, but the fitted sheets don't fit.  None of them.  Ever.

So I'm thinking we should have like an ASTM fitted sheet, made out of titanium or something, in a cave or lock box or vault where they control the temperature.  Then when someone wants to make a fitted sheet, they can compare it to the ASTM fitted sheet so it will fit.  Then I won't have to throw a fit, or be fit to be tied...