WARNING: THIS BLOG MAY BE OFFENSIVE!!! (sorry if the caps are considered offensive) (sorry if my alarming title has offended you)
WARNING: (again, sorry if you consider writing in caps to be offensive (sorry if you consider writing in abbreviations such as "caps" instead of capital letters to be offensive))
You are about to enter an offensive blog post!!!! (The use of one or more exclamation points (or any other punctuation marks is not now, or previously intended to be offensive in ANY (or any) way) You MUST (or must) certify that you have thick skin (I'm sorry if I offended any people with physiologically thick skin. I was attempting to use a metaphor (which is not intended to be offensive to anyone who may find metaphorical statements to be in any way offensive nor is it intended to show preference to metaphors, and is not intended to offensively degrade or lessen the importance of simile or other literary tools)) to read this (or any other, including, but not limited to previous or future, or linked) blog entry or entries.
Please click HERE if you wish not to be offended or if you are offended easily. (If you offended by embedded links in a blog, I apologize.)
NOTICE: The following (and preceding) is intended to be, but may not be perceived to be, and may not be wholly or partially limited to, a non-offensive blog entry. The blog entry shall not, may or may not, does not, and is not necessarily, although may be UNINTENTIONALLY perceived to be, reflect or represent the views, viewpoints, opinions, feelings, leanings, or personal preferences of me (being Brett Probert (sorry if you're offended by so many parenthetical statements (my use of the apostrophic rendition of "you're" instead of "you are" is not intended in any way to be offensive (I am sorry if you're (or you are) offended by the occasional, though not intended to be offensive, but which may none-the-less be unintentionally considered to be such, of poor punctuation or grammar or missspelllllings of word or words (or the inability, though intended to be benign, although sometimes understood differently, to count how many punctuational ending little thingys that look like " ) " which may INADVERTANTLY result in an incorrect number of those aforementioned, though improperly named (which, BTW (I'm (or I am) sorry if you don't (or do not) understand or appreciate text message abbreviations such as, although not intended to be exclusively limited to, BTW) little punctuation notations previously notated as " ) " ))))) in any way, shape, or form (which is not intended to offensive to, and I apologize if it was unintentially perceived to be, other short words, terms, or phrases that describe inclusivity).
PLEASE (or "please" as I am not intending offense, and am not, nor have ever been, and am henceforth from this time intending to seem like I am yelling, screaming, angry (even righteous anger (which is not a Biblical term per se, and is not intended to speak on behalf of God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, or any saint (to be understood in a more universal or catholic, and not Catholic (although I am intending absolutely NO (or no) offensive to Catholics (note: my use of "Catholic" is an abbreviation for "Roman Catholic" which is not intended to be offensive to either Roman Catholics or Catholics of other Catholic traditions and is IN NO WAY (or in no way) intended to appear to elevate or debase in any way the Roman Catholic Church or Roman Catholic adherents or any other Catholic traditions or the adherents thereto) of the church either past, present or future (NB: (I am sorry if the notation "NB" which is an abbreviation for the French phrase "notez bien" is offensive and is not intended to be considered either an endorsement, preferential treatment to the French language, French speaking people, or France, or the debasing of any or all of those) use of the word), hurtful, cutting, demeaning, degrading, being too loud (or being too soft) do not take offensive to anything already mentioned or written below or beside this (or any other) text (or images) on this blog entry (or the links (which are not intended to lead to any offensive material nor to show preference to any blog or blogger over another) which may or may not be therein contained) consider yourself forewarned and pre-apologized to for the content of this, or any, and all, blog posts, comments, links, or other uses of, but not limited to, written language, images (photographic, drawn, or otherwise), and non-verbal means of communication (which is not intended to in any way offend by elevating or showing preference to, or superiority of, any or all of the aforementioned means of communication and is NOT (or not) intended to offend anyone, anywhere, who may or not be able to, or does not prefer, or who greatly prefers, one means of communication above or over or under another))).
I AM SORRY (or I am sorry, or i am sorry, or I'm sorry, or i'm sorry, or I apologize, or i apologize).
(NOTE: (or note) the preceding "sorry" was not intended to offend anyone, anywhere, for any reason and if it did, does, or will at some point, or points, of time in future, I am sorry...)
You are about to enter an offensive blog post!!!! (The use of one or more exclamation points (or any other punctuation marks is not now, or previously intended to be offensive in ANY (or any) way) You MUST (or must) certify that you have thick skin (I'm sorry if I offended any people with physiologically thick skin. I was attempting to use a metaphor (which is not intended to be offensive to anyone who may find metaphorical statements to be in any way offensive nor is it intended to show preference to metaphors, and is not intended to offensively degrade or lessen the importance of simile or other literary tools)) to read this (or any other, including, but not limited to previous or future, or linked) blog entry or entries.
Please click HERE if you wish not to be offended or if you are offended easily. (If you offended by embedded links in a blog, I apologize.)
NOTICE: The following (and preceding) is intended to be, but may not be perceived to be, and may not be wholly or partially limited to, a non-offensive blog entry. The blog entry shall not, may or may not, does not, and is not necessarily, although may be UNINTENTIONALLY perceived to be, reflect or represent the views, viewpoints, opinions, feelings, leanings, or personal preferences of me (being Brett Probert (sorry if you're offended by so many parenthetical statements (my use of the apostrophic rendition of "you're" instead of "you are" is not intended in any way to be offensive (I am sorry if you're (or you are) offended by the occasional, though not intended to be offensive, but which may none-the-less be unintentionally considered to be such, of poor punctuation or grammar or missspelllllings of word or words (or the inability, though intended to be benign, although sometimes understood differently, to count how many punctuational ending little thingys that look like " ) " which may INADVERTANTLY result in an incorrect number of those aforementioned, though improperly named (which, BTW (I'm (or I am) sorry if you don't (or do not) understand or appreciate text message abbreviations such as, although not intended to be exclusively limited to, BTW) little punctuation notations previously notated as " ) " ))))) in any way, shape, or form (which is not intended to offensive to, and I apologize if it was unintentially perceived to be, other short words, terms, or phrases that describe inclusivity).
PLEASE (or "please" as I am not intending offense, and am not, nor have ever been, and am henceforth from this time intending to seem like I am yelling, screaming, angry (even righteous anger (which is not a Biblical term per se, and is not intended to speak on behalf of God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, or any saint (to be understood in a more universal or catholic, and not Catholic (although I am intending absolutely NO (or no) offensive to Catholics (note: my use of "Catholic" is an abbreviation for "Roman Catholic" which is not intended to be offensive to either Roman Catholics or Catholics of other Catholic traditions and is IN NO WAY (or in no way) intended to appear to elevate or debase in any way the Roman Catholic Church or Roman Catholic adherents or any other Catholic traditions or the adherents thereto) of the church either past, present or future (NB: (I am sorry if the notation "NB" which is an abbreviation for the French phrase "notez bien" is offensive and is not intended to be considered either an endorsement, preferential treatment to the French language, French speaking people, or France, or the debasing of any or all of those) use of the word), hurtful, cutting, demeaning, degrading, being too loud (or being too soft) do not take offensive to anything already mentioned or written below or beside this (or any other) text (or images) on this blog entry (or the links (which are not intended to lead to any offensive material nor to show preference to any blog or blogger over another) which may or may not be therein contained) consider yourself forewarned and pre-apologized to for the content of this, or any, and all, blog posts, comments, links, or other uses of, but not limited to, written language, images (photographic, drawn, or otherwise), and non-verbal means of communication (which is not intended to in any way offend by elevating or showing preference to, or superiority of, any or all of the aforementioned means of communication and is NOT (or not) intended to offend anyone, anywhere, who may or not be able to, or does not prefer, or who greatly prefers, one means of communication above or over or under another))).
I AM SORRY (or I am sorry, or i am sorry, or I'm sorry, or i'm sorry, or I apologize, or i apologize).
(NOTE: (or note) the preceding "sorry" was not intended to offend anyone, anywhere, for any reason and if it did, does, or will at some point, or points, of time in future, I am sorry...)
15 comments:
Sick and wrong.... but I'm not offended so mission accomplished!
I am offended tht you thought I might get offended by reading your offensive blog meant to defend my offensiveness. Please defend your offensive statements.
I dont get it!
all I can is... WOW.
Gee...for a minute there I thought I was reading something fresh out of a denominational publication (with no offense intended towards this or any denomination, or towards the term denomination, or towards any member of any denomination heretofore aforementioned.....)
Of course you don't, Barb. But don't be offended.
The length kinda offends me... it's a really long entry today.
Sorry, did I offend you?
Brett,
Lay off the Starbucks!!! (I mean absolutely no offense to Starbucks, mind you!) :) Are smileys offensive???
Lori, yes smileys may offend me! BTW, it isn't Starbucks...I have my own grinder/brewer. I'll explain this blog in a day or so!
Who has time to read this?
*If I may be candid, this entire use of non-offensive nature may be offensive to those who are sensitive to the fact that they take things too seriously, ergo, you offended a person who takes offense to the fact that you think you are offending said individual. Furthermore, you have offended any astute English teachers by flagrant disregard for the appropriate number of parentheses in your blog post.
Please note, all views, opinions, comments, thoughts, and words used in this comment are not to misconstrued to represent the actual views, opinions, comments, thoughts, and words of the author.
*:By reading this sentence and all sentences before and after that are marked with an asterisk , you are entering a legally binding res ipsa loquitur waiving of rights saying that I am instantly acquitted of any and all psychological or physiological complications caused by, but not limited to, frustration dealing with fully comprehending this comment and any physical manifestation of aforementioned frustration.
*Unfortunately, you have not put such aforementioned liability waiving clauses in your blog post, and reading your blog post have caused me as well as several of my clients to maliciously slaughter their monitor(s). You are now held liable. A full pamphlet regarding their complaints shall be filed post haste.
I thank you for your consideration in this regard, and wish you to have a nice day.
I'm guessing this is either a commentary on the theological pablum often vomited by denominational leaders too afraid to even utter the word "sin" for fear of having to actually define it, or a commentary on the "shock jock" nature of the contemporary media including the blogosphere which tends to rely on sensationalism and idiotic titillation to gain viewers and/or readers, or it's just Brett's way of expressing himself while in a particularly droll mood, ironically seeking comments on nonsense.
...or all of the above...or NONE of the above...details tomorrow.
Does this have anything to do with being the biggest loser? Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. I meant your weigh in at the gym, not you.
Do you find using bold type offensive?
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